Perfection

Hello. Marisa Gaffney speaking again. The first topic about my autism I want to bring up is how I can freak out when things aren’t exactly perfect. If something I own even has the slightest scratch I try take make it fit, but then I can end up making more scratches. I ask people for reassurance if something will be okay and I already know they’re going to say yes, but I feel I kind of bug them into saying it because I need to hear it. I know that not everything can be perfect, but it disappoints me when I think I can keep something good and it turns out I can’t.

I have several examples to share of what I mean. When I was younger I paid attention to how my toys didn’t look as perfect as they did when I got them and it made me wish I had been more careful. I get comfortable in one seat, but then no other seat can make me comfy so I always have to have my seat. I’m not like that outside home, but I keep control in the house when I can. I count on myself to do great on school tests, but even though I’m not as upset if I get a few wrong answers I get very upset when I get one answer wrong. It’s constantly on my mind how I could have been perfect if I got that one answer right. One time I was crying non-stop for hours.

When I think back on these examples, it can feel a little pathetic to me because it comes up in my mind once in a while. I understand it will affect my life if I keep thinking that way so I have to think about how it’s not that bad. I’ve heard scars have history and it can be really interesting how a scratch can tell a story. It might make the thing it cut more pretty looking. Most importantly, I feel better about myself when I think that way and that does feel perfect.

A Peek Inside: The Beginning

Hello. My name is Marisa Gaffney. I am 16 years old, I have red hair, I have green eyes, and I have autism. I have come to understand that I have a different point of view on things than most people and that is because the autism makes me experience and think about things in my own way. 

There are certain things about autism that make me feel proud of having it, but there are other things about me that leave stressed. For example, I freak out when something isn’t exactly perfect and it takes a while for me to follow instructions. I am good at instructions though once I do figure it out. More on those things later.

My mom thought making this blog could be good for me because I get to express myself and share who I am with people who are like me. I think it can be good idea and I’d feel happy if what I say might help someone. My autism makes things a little harder, but I try to get better how I can and with understanding things have gotten better.