Action and Reaction

I am going to talk about my behavior towards people. I’m always shy so I can never voice my opinion because even the slightest amount of criticism can hurt my feelings. It makes me jump to the conclusion that everything is wrong with me. I’ve tried being funny, saying things I heard on TV and my own stuff, but sometimes I can come of as sassy which gives people the wrong idea.

I now feel like people expect little out of me when it comes to being nice. I do get bored and complain, but I’m trying not to because I want to put whatever they think of me behind me. However, I still don’t feel safe since I wonder if people are watching me and thinking I’m being rude or inappropriate because I don’t enjoy what’s going on. There’s a possibility that they don’t think that, but I’m waiting to get yelled at instead of calming down. I try giving out more compliments and taking an interest in other people’s lives in order to be nice. Except, I’m not interested in hearing about things I don’t know. I mostly like to wait until it’s something I do know about and then I turn it into a whole discussion.

I also have a little anger since I want people to be unhappy when they make me do things I don’t want to do, but I know that’s wrong. For a long time because of my actions I have been feeling very stupid. I’ve hurt some people and thought I wouldn’t have had problems with them if I wasn’t so mean. It feels though that those people deserve to feel pain because they are doing something wrong, and they need to feel how it is when it is done to them. At least that’s what I think while I’m doing it.

There’s nothing I can do, but move forward. I can speak up knowing I’m entitled to my opinion. I can learn to listen to what people like that I don’t, and I can try to control my anger issues. Hopefully, I can get people to understand that I want to change, but I’ll have to do it by being more confident and kind, which is what I’m planning to do.