I have planted it in my head that there are certain occasions that have to be perfect. People make a big deal about holidays and birthdays, which I had believed meant I was supposed to happy throughout those days and nothing could wrong. However, that only meant I would get stressed by having to make those days perfect, and I am relieved when it’s the day after. For example, on birthdays supposedly nothing will annoy me and I will have a nice party with cake and presents. I can’t control what will come to annoy me though and people keep asking me what I want for presents, which is hard for me because I don’t ask for much. That’s a topic for another time. It’s the same thing with Christmas. I know it’s not what they’re all about, but it feels right because it’s usually traditional to have presents on Christmas and birthdays.
I also expect places to look how I picture them in my head because people described them as being so nice. I have a fantasy world where I see all the details of places, and I’d expect every one of those details to be the same when I actually see the place. For example, I will imagine red bricks on a wall in a building I am going to be inside. If the building doesn’t actually have red brick walls when I get there, I’m a little disappointed to see it looks different. Another example is vacations. I see advertisements with clear and bright blue skies, and if I arrive and see some dark clouds, it feels like a lie.
I know perfectly accurate expectations aren’t possible, but I like to hope they will be. I realize I need to understand reality and opinions are two different things. My problem is learning to hear about something and not build a picture of it so beautiful that it can’t actually exist. Beginning to balance the description of things with the actuality of them is a very difficult task. However, if I learn to not expect too much then I can find the enjoyment of something in my own way. My goal is to check things out myself so I can have more realistic expectations and it will make it much easier to have fun with seeing places, examining things, and participating in celebrations.
